Speaker: Juhee (Vajracharya) Gubhani, Canada

Dola-ji (or Dola) is one of the various methods of traditional marriages practised by the Newars of Nepal. It is a term used for a man who lives in his wife’s parental house rather than him bringing her as a bride to his house. Such matrilineal or matrilocal societies are found all over the world, where women have the power and children take their mother’s name; when a male child grows up, he also goes to join his wife’s family; and the property of the mother goes to the daughter. But in Kathmandu Valley, the Dola system does not continue matrilineally forever. A Dola son-in-law will be brought in due to certain circumstances, for example, when the parents have only one daughter and there is no male heir or when a daughter does not want to leave the house where only her old parents live with her, and so forth. In most cases, the parents of the daughter want to continue their lineage. The other cases when a Dola husband or son-in-law is brought in was when the man is in dispute with his family due to the woman’s low caste status and not allowed to marry her. The Dola used to take the name of his father-in-law, which is changing lately. Among my three study groups Bare, Gubhaju, and Uray, Dola system is accepted and is still being practised – but nobody talks about it. Obviously, social stigma is attached to it – the quiet way of Dola’s joining his wife’s family without any open marriage celebrations also evidences the existence of the stigma. A famous person who was brought in as a Dola in the 1380s will be discussed. On the divorce side, it is socially and legally accepted even by the Coded Laws for the Newars. In the past, among my study groups, when disputes occurred and couples drifted apart, first a long separation would take place. Divorce would not happen immediately – initially, the woman’s family tries to convince her to have a cordial relationship with the husband and in-laws as much as possible. One cannot deny the fact that Newar women have the upper hand in the decision on divorce. Some women even test the husband’s feelings for them by fasting for a month at a Karunamaya’s (Compassionate Bodhisattva’s) temples. If nothing works then she decides to divorce, eventually returns the engagement/marriage confirmation gwe (areca nuts) as has been the tradition. After receiving the gwe back, the man’s family sends all her dowry back to her. To my knowledge, a divorce between a Dola couple seems to be nil. Also, because this type of marriage does not involve the gwe custom of marriage confirmation, there would not be a traditional divorce of returning of the 10-gwe from the wife to the husband. Thus, the two practices, Dola and divorce, appear to be disjoint. Nonetheless, more in-depth future research on the Dola marriage and divorce may reveal more facts.